Fat Ass.

So I got bored while I was at work today, and started writing my conversations with the people that came to my window. Sometimes I feel really bad for having mean thoughts. So this is something of a cleansing excersize to get them out. This is me yelling Fat Ass.

At my moms house, 

when we are frustrated, 

we're allowed to yell "Fat Ass" as loud as we can to feel better.

Try it.

See.

Hitler Stache:

"Hello. So I've got this issue, and this seems to happen fairly often, but I was trying to print a document from my flash drive and the little mouse thing has turned into a spinning circle and the screen has gone all milky white. Can you come look at this?"

"[Cocaine is never an "issue". Its a terrible addiction.] Hmm. Milky white you say? That sounds awful. I suppose I can fix it."

"See, this seems to happen all time...rambles into the background..."

"I see. Sir, it appears your computer is thinking very hard. These are fickle creatures, and printing massive files only seems to [piss them off] make them angry. [If at first you dont succeed...] Might I suggest you re-open the document and try again. "

Girl Person:

"Can you change my Password?"

"Sure can."

"Cool, give me something good"

"Alright, its gonna be suckit01!"

Narcolepsy Man:

 "Hi, could I borrow some headphones?"

"Sure. Here ya go."

"Thanks, do I need to sign off for these?"

"Nah, don't worry about it, I know who you are. [I'll just chase after you and throw us both down the stairs if you steal them.]

Smelly Man:

"Hallo. You give me headphones, ok?"

"[Sure thing, here they're actually disguised at deodorant! How clever is that?!] Oh.. uh I suppose I will then."

"Tank you. what are dis?" (Indicates plate of muffins so graciously left for me be the Advocate)

"Their [All yours if you promise to bathe tonight] Muffins."

"Cake?!"

"Yeah sure, their like cupcakes [Except uglier]"

"CAKE?!?"

"YES?!? [WHY ARE WE YELLING NOW?!?]

"Ok, I take, ok?" (and reaches through my window...)

"[Of course, because I didnt actually want any of those] Knock yourself out. [I think your B.O. is killing my brain cells from exposure..]"

....And 8 minutes later...

"I take again ok."

"Sure thing. [Women in my country don't eat muffins either! Awesome!]

 

 Hitler Stache revisited..:

"I have another question. So I logged off, and got back on, and when I went to open the flash drive it, it was really weird, said the author was someone other than myself. Do you know why this is? Thats just so strange"

"Hmm. [Sounds like its haunted.] Perhaps you should switch computers."

"Maybe so, I just can't understand how this could be. Maybe another student got on and saved something while I was gone one day?"

"[That's still doesn't excuse the porn on your flash-drive] Hmm. I'm afraid thats impossible."

"I see. This just doesn't make sense..."

Phone Computer Science HillBilly:

20 minutes into a conversation that started with Howdy, and I have now taken this call Under The Desk.

"Well sir, You only have one password and one username for you account, which I have unlocked for you again. I'm really not sure what to tell you, there is really only one way to put that information in. [Until you came along] It's [was] a fairly fool proof system. "

 "This isn't me, its tha computer. I gotta degree on computer science engineering and I know the problem is on ya'll's end."

"Your exactly right, [it started when you called and I answered] and I just have yet to figure out what specifically that is."

"You wish you had answered any other phone call but me don't you? You don't want to talk to me. You hate me. Haha. Your over there thinking 'God why do I have to deal with this moron' ."

"[At least we can both agree to that] Sir! I would never!"

Phone Believer:

"Your like God's gift to Earth"

"I know."

Hitler Stache Round 3:

"Hey again, so uh, can I offer you some advice?"

"Sure. Go for it. [No, I'm afraid I actually don't believe in advice. Shameful I know.]

 "Well, there's this women in there, (points to lab..) and she is doing some kinda web program, I dunno, some kinda class inter web conversation thing, with headsets, and she is just.. I dunno.."

"[Maybe he'll think I'm stupid and walk away]...Blank stare treatment...[somewhere in there is some really useful information, I just know it]"

"...Well yeah, she is just in there, and she is just really distracting when I'm trying to fix things on the computer. And she is just talking, and she was here two weeks ago.. no maybe a week.. no it was about two weeks ago. But yeah, she is just really distracting..."

"[Maybe if I lean away from him and make my eyes bigger he'll walk away now] ..."

"And uh yeah. She just is really..."

"Rude."

"Yeah... It just seems like, well is there any where else she can go to do that?"

"Well, [Gosh, I've told her time and time again to take her school work elsewhere] Thats a very difficult situation. See, thats the only computer here with that program."

FAT ASS!!!!

There.

Doesn't that feel better.