Introducing: Gladys Biggly--The Answer to Kitteh Conquest.

So I went to PetsMart today today to visit the cats.

 In the last kitteh kennel, was 

Gladys. 

Rolled over on her back, her morbidly obese belly spilling out on either side, 

legs straight in the air,

just looking up at me, asking me to be her savior. 

anticipating kitteh lust, I wasn't so easy to give in at first

We flirted briefly and I excused myself back home. 

This lasted about 10 minutes once I got home. 

I sat alone in my little apartment, thinking of Gladys playing with my through the glass...

Surely it couldn't hurt to go back just to say hi... 

And so I went back to PetsMart, 

Gladys was having nap time, which I can respect.

I took one look at her name tag, read it and told her,

"Ok ya fat shit, your coming with me."

 This actually loosely translates to

"hates other cats"

When I asked the see her, the manager cautioned me, now she doesnt get along well with others...

Perfect.

Neither do I.

As we were making our way out, PetsMart girl carried Gladys passed the other kitteh kennels, and she let out a glorious series of hisses of pure hatred and contempt. 

Fangs and claws.

My kitteh soul mate. 

And so, Gladys bitched the whole way home.

Soon as we got there, she checked the perimeter, 

and immediantly vanished to the darkest corner under my bed.

That didnt last long, I just shook the bag of cat food and she shot out like white lightening.

She is pushing 20 lbs

I can't wait to get home so I can see what she made me for dinner and we can stay up late watching 

Gone with the Wind and eating bon bons.

I've given her a full name, since she is a full girl.

Ms. Gladys Biggly

And in regards to the mouse. 

I was debating skipping her food for a day, thinking she'd probably kill the mouse for a snack,

then I realized, if she is truly my kitteh soul mate,

she'll probably just eat my face off while I'm sleeping.

Hopefully she'll accidentally sit on it.

<3